Fearless.

Hello, faithful readers!



Thanks for stopping by. (I have a cheesy grin on my face, by the way.)



I thought I'd share with you a little of what's going on lately in the old noggin. You see, I recently had one of those close encounters with MYSELF that we tend to have. You know, the ones where you have to face down somewhat of a question that's hung in the balance for a long time. My sweet little bridal princess Jennifer Richards just became Jennifer LENNOX, marrying the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, delightfully evil Brian Lennox. At said nuptuation (it's a word, as of 8/9/08), I sang the Ave Maria. I am honored to have been able to sing for so many reasons. My thanks go out to Jenn & Brian for asking me, I hope I was able to make their day more special. :)


At any rate, during said song my nervousness was unprecedented. And I've been performing all my life. So in the past week I've been wondering what has changed. In the past few years, I've been noticing a certain duality that exists within me: A person who is shy, afraid of judgment, and comfortable in the background. Verses! A person who is ancy in the background, a person who takes initiative, a person who enjoys being who she is - completely unafraid of potential judgment. Oddly enough, being a Youth Minister has challenged me in so many ways. It has forced me, ready or not, to step into that role of being in charge, being confident...being fearless. And everything inside of me screams "this isn't you."

The irony? Recently, my good friend and work associate April gave me a friendly encouraging reminder to "carry on" after addressing me as her fearless leader.

I think that a part of growing into the most solid version of yourself is evaluating these "halves" that exist in all of us. Maybe true happiness comes in the final acceptance of ourselves. If that's the case, when does that "final" acceptance actually occur? Does it ever?

In a poem called "Warning", Jenny Joseph describes what it will be like to finally present your truest self without fear. In the end, I feel like we're all only giving a percentage of ourselves. And what will it take to eliminate all of our fear?

Hey. I just ask the questions. :)