You've heard 'em all before! Year of the dragon, lion, snake. BUT have you heard of this one yet? The Year to Let Things Go. Ahh.
I think for most, that phrase doesn't automatically conjure up feelings of peace and relief. Quite the contrary, actually, it makes most of us uncomfortable. "Well, what are you going to make me let go, or give up?" But I think when we go down that path, we sort of short-change ourselves because we fail to look at what we'll be getting back.
I was walking Howie the other day on the bayou, and as much as I enjoy all of the natural elements of the bayou coming together for my enjoyment - my schedule always seems to get the best of me. Now I know I've written about this before. Those small surrenders we can make with our schedule, and what a difference it makes. Well, instead of falling into my usual pattern of tugging on his leash and hurrying him on for the sake of my day...God pulled one of His famous magic tricks. He won my heart over for the moment with a simple breeze. (He knows how much I love those.) I immediately closed my eyes and took a deep breath in. Somehow everything that seemed so important was put in perspective, beautiful perspective. And in that brief moment, I somehow caught every scent in the air. The salt from the water in the bayou, the smell of the SUN somehow, the grass. My imagination immediately took me back about 18 months to my trip to the Bahamas with Liz and Stins. I was transported to my time kayaking on the sea, just me and the Lord. The peace that I felt was exquisite. Somehow, God had managed to elevate me from being a slave to my day TO ... living on an extravagantly higher plane. And SUDDENLY - I didn't feel like I needed a vacation anymore. :)
It's not just with my schedule that I feel the need to let things go. Hurt feelings, ego, my WARDROBE. I've been trying to practice letting things go in all aspects of my life - and the feeling of freedom that I have is totally exhilarating. I sometimes forget how happy God wants me to be. I start to think of myself as His personal slave - and when I fail I brace myself for the blow of a century. But He gently reminds me that He just wants my happiness, my freedom, my joy, my elation - independent of my output. He reminds me of how much He still has to give to me, and how if I can only trust Him enough to let things go - I can experience more and more this life that He keeps telling me about. This is a love - that I have never in my life felt. This is a depth I've never gone. This love that He gives me ... shakes me to my very core. It pulls out things I never knew were in me. THIS LOVE. Answers desires that I never knew were in my heart.
Yesterday morning, the kids and I went to Casa Juan Diego to pledge our best efforts for three hours. I am more and more inspired by the self-sacrificing love that comes from the hearts of Mark & Louise Zwick, it changes lives. I hope you don't judge me for what I'm about to say. :) Never in my life did I ever think that a house for immigrants would be the place where I would think "I never want to leave." But I believe that God so fills us up when we're in His grace, and being around such beautiful people and such a beautiful cause - makes me feel incredibly rich. It makes me feel like "I made it. I have no where else I want to be." With the number of times I've been to CJD over the past four years, it's amazing to me that I fall more and more in love with the God in those people. All I had to do was let go of my notions of what will make me happy. Truth is, God knows best.
My prayer for you this Sunday morning is that today, you will know Him more. My prayer is that you might be able to join me in praising Him whole-heartedly for the things He has done in YOUR life. My prayer is that you will say "yes" to Him and His plan to free you and make you truly happy. And that you'll make this your year to let things go.
His wounds have paid my ransom. Hallelujah.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
All that You would have for me...
Hey, Friends!
So, I have a little playlist saved for when I'm *actually* sitting at my desk and doing administrative work. And there's a live version of "Love Song" by Third Day that I actually don't quite fancy. (Shh, don't tell them.) Well today I've been trying to not just fall into my regular routine, and as part of this challenge I decided not to immediately skip the track. Happily, there was a little bonus track that followed. I listened. I loved.
"Take my heart and help me feel.
Take my faith and make it real.
Take my eyes and help me see,
all the love surrounding me.
Take my loss and take my gain.
Take my trials and take my pain.
Take my life and let it be,
all that You would have for me.
Don't let me go, hold me close to where You are.
Don't let me go, take my heart, take all of me."
I had actually heard this song a couple times before, but I suppose you could say I listened to it with new ears today. And it became evident to me how this song just has deeper and deeper meaning to me. It always astounds me how I think "If we keep going at this pace, God and I, I'm going to get burned out. I'm going to max out." "God will get tired of me." And somehow...it just keeps getting better, deeper, more lovely.
For some reason, I've been reflecting a lot lately about how I used to be. What kind of girl I was in Junior High, the age I spend most of my day ministering to. I was wounded, insecure, scared - and had no idea who I was. I had no idea of my worth, of the way God saw me. I had no idea what freedom felt like, what beauty looked like, and what unconditional love was.
I had no idea 'all that He would have for me.' I didn't know what that meant. And somehow I got to where I am now. And people wonder how I can be so incredibly God-crazy. Well. Wouldn't you be, too? If you had been given the grace to let go, the courage to follow, and then the reward of total freedom. I see myself how He sees me now. I feel real, visible, beautiful, loved. I feel challenged, I feel capable, strong. I feel happy, so incredibly happy.
God has given me a life that is far better than I would've dreamt up, and it's because I am able to live this prayer, this song. Take my pitiful salary, my many many flaws, my temper, my mistakes, my failures, my past, my future, my wants, my needs, my fears, my tears, my laughter, my heart, my soul - take it all - and just give me what You want for me.
And wouldn't you know...
God be glorified.
So, I have a little playlist saved for when I'm *actually* sitting at my desk and doing administrative work. And there's a live version of "Love Song" by Third Day that I actually don't quite fancy. (Shh, don't tell them.) Well today I've been trying to not just fall into my regular routine, and as part of this challenge I decided not to immediately skip the track. Happily, there was a little bonus track that followed. I listened. I loved.
"Take my heart and help me feel.
Take my faith and make it real.
Take my eyes and help me see,
all the love surrounding me.
Take my loss and take my gain.
Take my trials and take my pain.
Take my life and let it be,
all that You would have for me.
Don't let me go, hold me close to where You are.
Don't let me go, take my heart, take all of me."
I had actually heard this song a couple times before, but I suppose you could say I listened to it with new ears today. And it became evident to me how this song just has deeper and deeper meaning to me. It always astounds me how I think "If we keep going at this pace, God and I, I'm going to get burned out. I'm going to max out." "God will get tired of me." And somehow...it just keeps getting better, deeper, more lovely.
For some reason, I've been reflecting a lot lately about how I used to be. What kind of girl I was in Junior High, the age I spend most of my day ministering to. I was wounded, insecure, scared - and had no idea who I was. I had no idea of my worth, of the way God saw me. I had no idea what freedom felt like, what beauty looked like, and what unconditional love was.
I had no idea 'all that He would have for me.' I didn't know what that meant. And somehow I got to where I am now. And people wonder how I can be so incredibly God-crazy. Well. Wouldn't you be, too? If you had been given the grace to let go, the courage to follow, and then the reward of total freedom. I see myself how He sees me now. I feel real, visible, beautiful, loved. I feel challenged, I feel capable, strong. I feel happy, so incredibly happy.
God has given me a life that is far better than I would've dreamt up, and it's because I am able to live this prayer, this song. Take my pitiful salary, my many many flaws, my temper, my mistakes, my failures, my past, my future, my wants, my needs, my fears, my tears, my laughter, my heart, my soul - take it all - and just give me what You want for me.
And wouldn't you know...
God be glorified.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Certain conditions apply.
Yo!
So, do you remember seeing commercials for the hottest new toy or game on television, and just being totally consumed with desire for it? And then right at the end, you'd hear this dude rattle off some legal nonsense? "Offer valid while supplies last. Parts sold separately. Certain conditions apply." My brother and I used to try to mimic that part of the commercial, and we just thought it was funny. It's only when you wise up a bit that you realize nothing is ever QUITE as good as it seems.
In my ministry, I often find myself teaching what I'm currently going through in my own spirituality. For me, the best way for me to learn it IS to teach it. And lately, God has been really impressing on me what it means to both give and receive *unconditional* love. What does it look like? How does it feel? How do you begin to wrap your mind (and heart) around it?
I don't really have anywhere to land with this post. I suppose I just want to share that understanding unconditional love is hard for me. And I want to love that richly, that deeply. All the people God has blessed me with, I want to love them really well. And I guess it's just very humbling to see how short I fall from where I'd like to be.
Today, I got geared up to eat lunch with my kids. I even called my Mom to pray with her beforehand. And then I just felt like I made zero difference. I felt disorganized, unfocused, and a little spacey. :) It's so hard for me to feel loved or worth anything to God on days like today, but somehow I guess that's what He is teaching me. That whatever kind of day I'm having, He loves me just the same. And the best part is that where everything else not of God has an expiration date, has conditions and restrictions...He doesn't.
I love, because He has loved me first. 1 John 4:19
Praise be to God.
So, do you remember seeing commercials for the hottest new toy or game on television, and just being totally consumed with desire for it? And then right at the end, you'd hear this dude rattle off some legal nonsense? "Offer valid while supplies last. Parts sold separately. Certain conditions apply." My brother and I used to try to mimic that part of the commercial, and we just thought it was funny. It's only when you wise up a bit that you realize nothing is ever QUITE as good as it seems.
In my ministry, I often find myself teaching what I'm currently going through in my own spirituality. For me, the best way for me to learn it IS to teach it. And lately, God has been really impressing on me what it means to both give and receive *unconditional* love. What does it look like? How does it feel? How do you begin to wrap your mind (and heart) around it?
I don't really have anywhere to land with this post. I suppose I just want to share that understanding unconditional love is hard for me. And I want to love that richly, that deeply. All the people God has blessed me with, I want to love them really well. And I guess it's just very humbling to see how short I fall from where I'd like to be.
Today, I got geared up to eat lunch with my kids. I even called my Mom to pray with her beforehand. And then I just felt like I made zero difference. I felt disorganized, unfocused, and a little spacey. :) It's so hard for me to feel loved or worth anything to God on days like today, but somehow I guess that's what He is teaching me. That whatever kind of day I'm having, He loves me just the same. And the best part is that where everything else not of God has an expiration date, has conditions and restrictions...He doesn't.
I love, because He has loved me first. 1 John 4:19
Praise be to God.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Gotcha!
In scripture, we hear about fearing the Lord. It's all over scripture, from Exodus to Revelation. I feel as though the word itself - 'fear' - has an ever-evolving meaning. In the early Old Testament, you read passages like:
"I feared the anger and wrath of the Lord" (Deuteronomy 9:19)
"The hand of the Lord is powerful...always fear the Lord your God." (Joshua 4:24)
Seems to convey more of an irritable, easy-to-rattle God. One surely to be feared. :)
You make your way to Psalms, and you read:
"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him." (Psalm 103:13)
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise." (Psalm 111:10)
"Praise the Lord. Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who finds great delight in his commands." (Psalm 112:1)
I don't know, the word 'fear' seems to soften a little bit. Let's press on, shall we? :)
Finally, fear isn't even mentioned in any of the gospels - the slice of history where Christ was Emmanuel - among us. 'Fear' reappears in Acts, but it's typically followed with 'less'. Fearless. Christ does a lot for us, but most of all He takes our fear and replaces it with joy and peace. It's all very nice.
But the word fear can still be used in our modern spirituality, I think. Take my life as an example. I've spent the better part of my life running from quality attention, gravitating towards the background where I feel the safest. The most comfortable place on earth for me is where no one will judge me, or demand higher things of me. I'm so afraid of failure that I've made a science of it. But what do you do when God calls you into a deeper relationship with Him. Do you think that method is going to hold for very long? The eyes of my heart inevitably meet with His, and I realize that I cannot be invisible anymore. And THAT kind of fear...well that's just thrilling. It's a fear that you feel when you finally understand how much of you God can see, and how intent He is on seeing you through. It's like reaching the top of the roller coaster and knowing you have no where to go.
And I suppose I'd like to think that when we reach that moment in our faith, God is simply smiling from ear to ear. And He says "Gotcha." :)
"I feared the anger and wrath of the Lord" (Deuteronomy 9:19)
"The hand of the Lord is powerful...always fear the Lord your God." (Joshua 4:24)
Seems to convey more of an irritable, easy-to-rattle God. One surely to be feared. :)
You make your way to Psalms, and you read:
"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him." (Psalm 103:13)
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise." (Psalm 111:10)
"Praise the Lord. Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who finds great delight in his commands." (Psalm 112:1)
I don't know, the word 'fear' seems to soften a little bit. Let's press on, shall we? :)
Finally, fear isn't even mentioned in any of the gospels - the slice of history where Christ was Emmanuel - among us. 'Fear' reappears in Acts, but it's typically followed with 'less'. Fearless. Christ does a lot for us, but most of all He takes our fear and replaces it with joy and peace. It's all very nice.
But the word fear can still be used in our modern spirituality, I think. Take my life as an example. I've spent the better part of my life running from quality attention, gravitating towards the background where I feel the safest. The most comfortable place on earth for me is where no one will judge me, or demand higher things of me. I'm so afraid of failure that I've made a science of it. But what do you do when God calls you into a deeper relationship with Him. Do you think that method is going to hold for very long? The eyes of my heart inevitably meet with His, and I realize that I cannot be invisible anymore. And THAT kind of fear...well that's just thrilling. It's a fear that you feel when you finally understand how much of you God can see, and how intent He is on seeing you through. It's like reaching the top of the roller coaster and knowing you have no where to go.
And I suppose I'd like to think that when we reach that moment in our faith, God is simply smiling from ear to ear. And He says "Gotcha." :)
Friday, November 20, 2009
Tick-Tock!
After a more quiet work event tonight, I paid my jolly good friend Shelly a visit. We spent time talking about how shocking a rhythm Time seems to steadfastedly adhere to, and how it's really just relentless. Time - in it's entire lifetime - has never taken a break. Shelly and I started to come up with ways of how to con Time into taking a break, perhaps a nap at least!
It's a pretty startling thought though, isn't it? Time never stops. If you focus on *that* though, I'd like to think you'd get pretty consumed in what you're not getting done, what you're missing...all the things you're lacking.
Tonight, I was reviewing some videos I'd posted on my flickr page. And sometimes pictures and videos can really help you to see your life from a 'zoomed-out' perspective. The truth is that I have a pretty fantastic life, laden with beautifully relaxed moments that beg to be appreciated. I just never seem to have the "time" to do so.
Tonight, I'd like to pause time. (Against the laws of physics, of course.) And just observe how blessed I am. A job I love, my children whom I love, a family whom I love, wonderful friends whom I love, laughter AND tears, nature, depth, love, beauty, talent, heavenly riches, grace, Joy, people who love me...and a God who wants only to fulfill me and to give me full life.
......Unpause. :)
It's a pretty startling thought though, isn't it? Time never stops. If you focus on *that* though, I'd like to think you'd get pretty consumed in what you're not getting done, what you're missing...all the things you're lacking.
Tonight, I was reviewing some videos I'd posted on my flickr page. And sometimes pictures and videos can really help you to see your life from a 'zoomed-out' perspective. The truth is that I have a pretty fantastic life, laden with beautifully relaxed moments that beg to be appreciated. I just never seem to have the "time" to do so.
Tonight, I'd like to pause time. (Against the laws of physics, of course.) And just observe how blessed I am. A job I love, my children whom I love, a family whom I love, wonderful friends whom I love, laughter AND tears, nature, depth, love, beauty, talent, heavenly riches, grace, Joy, people who love me...and a God who wants only to fulfill me and to give me full life.
......Unpause. :)
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A Charmed Life :)
Happy Tuesday to you! I'm currently enjoying some delicious cover music while I sip my fair-trade coffee on this slow-paced Tuesday morning. Normally Tuesday's are my stressed days, but this year I've gotten so much better at loosening my grip over the ministry and really letting my talented CORE members run with it. So I'm just taking it easy this morning! (Thank Jesus for the idea.)
Last night I was in my FTCM class in the heights area (All Saints) and we were discussing prayer and spirituality, two of my all-time favorite things. It's so amazing to think about how I got to where I am. This capacity that I have to love and pursue God and the depths of my heart, was that programmed into me? There's no doubt I've had to work a lot to get here, but the joy outweighs the labor. John 16:21
So I was multitasking as usual during class, and doing my "morning prayer" at 7 PM. :) And I was reading over Psalm 139, one of my favorites. It's funny how sometimes we can feel like we're running in circles, covering the same material over and over again. But new eyes are grace, and I was moved by a particular verse that'd never phased me before. "O search me, God and know my heart. O test me and know my thoughts. See that I follow not the wrong path, and lead me in the path of life eternal." It's so intimate. It's so trusting. And these words can't just be words. It's a relief to me to know that the darkest corners of my heart are well-lit and clear to Him, and that my worst fears are completely in His hands. So why do we worry? Why do we run?
I was talking with some people in my group about the human nature, and how - no matter how many times God carries us through - we still doubt. I look up to any child for their faith. They're my model. They're so brave. So nobel in their faith. "Know me." What more do we need? :)
Speaking of needs being met, I had a super weekend this past weekend. I had worked nearly two weeks straight with no day off. And I was beginning to tunnel-vision to the weekend, and I kept thinking "surely something must go wrong before I get to the weekend. Because I want it so badly." But alas, God really delivered. Friday was a day for Spiritual Direction, apartment-decorating, dinner-making and people-hosting. I got some solid time with Jenn which I loved, and I got to spend time with Shelly and her new beau Tony! (I call him Tony Tony Tone, of course.) Saturday was a toast to Fall for sure. We spent the day at Dewberry Farms, and I told Jeannie last night that I hadn't been so happy since I was a little girl. All my favorite things with my favorite people. Thanks to Jule for the tip. :) A few of the things we did:
-Picked our own bouquets
-Fed the goats!
-Got our faces painted
-Walked through a corn maze, and failed to find our way out to the other side.
-"Mined" for gemstones :)
Saturday night I welcomed the whole Motekaitis clan into my loving apartment, and soaked up the feeling. It makes me sad that I wasn't able to visit Sarah in Gainesville last month, because there really is such a large part of my heart that not only desires my sisters, but their families. Feels like a home that I miss all the time. After little Milo went to bed, Julie, Bronius, Dominic and I sat in my spookily-lit living room and watched Disney's Halloween Treats while enjoying our own treat - a delicious dessert that a mystery woman made for Jenn. She very sneakily left it at my place to be devoured within hours. :)
After doing some healthy exploring at the Houston Museum of Natural Science with the Motes Sunday morning, I made my way to the church's FunFest, and I spent the day working a booth with my kids. The incessant rain made a muddy mess, which didn't deter anyone's fun. Bronius, Milo and Dominic made it out for a bit to romp around and enjoy some of the fun. A camel ride was the crowned jewel of the day for Dominic, and for me. :)
All-in-all, it was a fantastic weekend of plugging back into the people God's blessed me with. I find myself complaining so much when I get into the micromanaging of my life. But if I just take a moment to step back and look at how much I've been blessed with, I'm just humbled. I've never done anything to deserve such a charmed life, but God's given it to me anyway. Story of my life. :)
Be well.
Lesley
Monday, May 4, 2009
Monday = Funday
The best part of having Monday off is that I NEVER have a case of the "Monday's." I will forever be a champion of Monday whilst the remainder of the world despises it.
Of course, I've fallen on some hard times lately. In no way do I wish to glorify them, in my speech OR thoughts. So today I worked hard at doing only fun things, and calming the part of me who desired to be productive. It was a challenge, but well worth it.
I woke up at about 6 AM, and read The Shack for about an hour, while sipping some Egyptian Licorice Yogi Tea. I love this book because it describes a face-to-face with God, which I crave so badly 1000% of the time. So it's a wonderful read.
Later on, I watched Monty Python: The Meaning of Life. Now, I had never actually seen any of the Monty Python movies. And so I've made it a point to watch them, so I can say that I have. However, I am now informed enough to say that I do NOT find them funny, appropriate or in possession of any meaning whatsoever. Take that.
I then layed down for about 15 minutes until Howie foiled my plans of catching up on sleep. Finally, my sweet Shelly came over to add a lot of joy to my day. She made it possible for me to grocery shop by looking after my sick little puppy. She then treated me to a delicious Black Walnut dinner, and a movie. We watched Little Women, which will NEVER fail to put me in a good mood. The way the sisters are so close has a special place in my heart, and Jo's character especially reminds me so much of Julie. :)
I had a great day, and I am grateful that God is giving me an oasis. He is good. All the time.
<3
Of course, I've fallen on some hard times lately. In no way do I wish to glorify them, in my speech OR thoughts. So today I worked hard at doing only fun things, and calming the part of me who desired to be productive. It was a challenge, but well worth it.
I woke up at about 6 AM, and read The Shack for about an hour, while sipping some Egyptian Licorice Yogi Tea. I love this book because it describes a face-to-face with God, which I crave so badly 1000% of the time. So it's a wonderful read.
Later on, I watched Monty Python: The Meaning of Life. Now, I had never actually seen any of the Monty Python movies. And so I've made it a point to watch them, so I can say that I have. However, I am now informed enough to say that I do NOT find them funny, appropriate or in possession of any meaning whatsoever. Take that.
I then layed down for about 15 minutes until Howie foiled my plans of catching up on sleep. Finally, my sweet Shelly came over to add a lot of joy to my day. She made it possible for me to grocery shop by looking after my sick little puppy. She then treated me to a delicious Black Walnut dinner, and a movie. We watched Little Women, which will NEVER fail to put me in a good mood. The way the sisters are so close has a special place in my heart, and Jo's character especially reminds me so much of Julie. :)
I had a great day, and I am grateful that God is giving me an oasis. He is good. All the time.
<3
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